Hello Friends,
I have recently come across this site and was really keen to share my experiences with you all connected to this site. To be honest , I was skeptical in the beginning whether to share my details online or not … but, after going through a few profiles , I really felt the need to connect to you guys!!

Let me begin with my name and it is “Meesha” which means “Being Alive” and ironically it gets really challenging to justify my own name! I am 30 years old and work as a Finance Professional in India. I am ailing from Stargardt’s and, like most of you guys, came to know about it quite late in life. In fact, this truth unveiled when I was busy planning and shaping my career.

Though I somehow already had adjusted to my current vision position then, the mere thought of further loss of sight terrified me. It was really shattering as I had so many dreams and I knew I could achieve them but with this hurdle, it all seemed so far-fetched and rather unrealistic. Nothing was certain except the fact that how hard life turns, I will never rest till I reach what I ought to.

When I was around 5 years old, I had difficulty seeing television or reading books so my Granny took me to an eye specialist who prescribed some gigantic glasses to wear. I still recall they appeared bigger than my own face. The story did not end there as later I was diagnosed with Squint and was operated for that when I was in 1st Standard and then I further was confirmed for Night Blindness.

Mom says God chooses strong people for hardships but I guess it is the other way round …Hardships make you stronger but, again, if you choose to.

It was obviously too difficult for a 5 year old child to even understand what is happening and why? Life gradually became blurred and complicated like a jumbled puzzle. I could no longer count stars in the sky or track shuttlecock while playing badminton or catch the ball or see the colors of the butterfly or match my dress with correct color or even looking at myself in the mirror was a pain. I mean it was so hard to accept the fact that I cannot do so many things. I always used to stretch myself to achieve what I wanted to as I wanted to grow up as other kids but obviously I could not go as far as I wanted to but definitely I reached the best I could manage with my challenge.

It got difficult to study and even recognizing faces was a great challenge. I started adapting to recognizing people with their voices. Some people made it more difficult for me as they used to make misconceptions as they were either not aware about my challenge or were insensitive towards it. Even my favorite hobby, reading, which I loved, became a pain as I used to jumble up the lines. But reading story books was so dear to me that I read them even with lots of effort. I have read a fairly decent number of novels, they just made me forget all my blues and I used to feel better. I left reading a few years back when it got impossible to read a whole novel and now I guess it can’t make me forget my challengea. That is one thing I miss the most!

My school and college days began. Though I was a bright student, I could not achieve what I deserved. It was really hard for me to accept as I always worked very hard to get the best but had to settle with what I could manage. I took up Non-Medical i.e. Science and Maths being the main subjects. I really wanted to opt for Engineering but I could not have managed that as it required me to live in a hostel. So, I took up B.Sc Maths Honors which was again a big challenge as the college was far from my place so travelling was a nightmare for me as I could not see destination boards or headings on bus stops or even could not recognize places, ways or even people etc. The most embarrassing of all was when I could not give directions to my own home.

But life never stops and continues in most unfavorable ways. The most frustrating part is you ultimately need to adjust or accept or whatever you may call it. Basically you have to continue your whole life in a way which is not your style at all and people around you cannot understand you and make different or false impressions of you as a person.

Today, I am working and managing my life almost on my own with, of course, some help from my folks. Although I try to be at peace with my life but could not have managed it as far as now. I have learnt not to think about it and focus on what I can do rather then what I cannot do and what I have, rather then on what I don’t have. I don’t know how far I will go but certainly I will never stop and do as much as I can and probably will update you guys soon.

It would be lovely to have a note from you all so pls, if you like, connect me at meesha2307@gmail.com

Thanks and regards
Meesha

January 31. 2014 – Meesha submitted a poem entitled Getting Blind:

Getting Blind –
My Life has blurred sunshine,
Now its just the memories when I was just fine,
I still worked harder for what I always pine,
But my world saw me only as blind.

I can’t match the rest,
Even if I die in the quest,
But why can’t they see my zest
To become the best.
Yet again I am left,
As few think I am less,
But I refuse to accept
Until my soul rests……

Getting Blind –
My Life has blurred sunshine,
And still I should say ” Everything is fine”
Because my folks wants that to hear,
As they are very dear,
And hence I always fear,
What if I won’t be near,
They will then never cheer.

Let me be the only one to bear
Let the unsaid be just in tears.
Getting Blind –
My Life has blurred sunshine …